Too many people. Too many things. Complication is the keyword here. Its been a while now handling all this patiently. Today I wanna speak my heart out.
Well, imagine this. You develop closeness with someone a lot. Care about this someone so much. Be the best person you can be with that person. Hmm. To describe her, lets call her ‘A’ as of now. She is one of my best friends. More than my best friend. A sister. A soulmate. I felt everything between us seems perfect. I see myself when I am with her. I have never had a sibling in my life and thought she was one. I have tried my best to keep her comfortable around me. Its almost love for this woman. I admire a lot of things in her. I dislike a lot of things too in her which I tell her now and then. But things take a twist. Now. For sometime now. I admit that I get upset when someone doesn’t reciprocate my emotions the same way as I do. I feel little insecure because of past events in my life.
Writing this post, I wonder how exactly I need to be with my friends? I really don’t understand how to react when they say, they can’t change but expect me to change. Maybe yes. Maybe no. What is right / wrong to you, need not be right and wrong to others. Its indeed a complex emotional state. You feel, you should just let go off the person. Then they claim, you take things seriously. It did hurt me today when ‘A’ started mentioning certain things. I never thought friends actually mention about the good deeds they do for others. Anyways, I have always acknowledged her for her good deeds.
Lastly, friendship has always stayed good in my opinion, when your friends accept you completely for what you are and not expect you to be the way they want. And yeah, I am sorry if you thought I don’t understand you. But certain things, I can’t understand until and otherwise you mention what’s going on. Guess, I shall say sorry to ‘A’ now and be the normal way we were.
Now, here is this person called ‘A’ again. Little intelligent, non stop blabber, and very friendly. We started speaking. Became good friends. And miscommunication happened and stopped speaking to this person. Then, started speaking to ‘A’ again. It seemed normal and suddenly, one fine day, ‘A’ doesn’t acknowledge my calls or my presence without any reason. I don’t understand what people really think? Do they think that I, as a person handle emotions like a mountain without any effect on me? Or they decided that I have no emotions at all? Hah! Sometimes, I pretend that way. I have emotions leaps and bounds. You don’t understand and you never will.
In this case, I decided to leave things the way it is. “May we never confuse honest dissent with disloyal subversion”.
IN MY PAST
- I used to be this girl who would speak with a lot of people and be friends with a lot many more. I would bug them to death with all my love and affection.
- I would apologize to people like a kid even though mistakes were not on my side.
- I would trust anybody and everybody.
IN MY PRESENT
- I speak to people. But I don’t let them invade my personal space. Started believing that my best friends no matter what stick to me for what I am.
- I don’t take shit from people.
- I stay detached from the negative causal.
P.S: I am approachable and you can speak with me always. People who know me, really will understand this.
To wrap it up, I dedicate this poem written by ‘Karl Fuchs’ to all my friends.
Whether the day is good or bad,
Whether I’m feeling happy or sad,
If I have a need, you’ll comprehend;
You’ll be there to share and be a friend.
Other people may fill my day,
But never in such an important way;
We support each other ’round all life’s bends,
It feels so good when we are friends.
It feels so good when we are friends.